George Carter
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Did You Hear That? The Inner Critic…

| Sunday 19th May, 2024

Yesterday I accused myself of being lazy because I’m relying on AI to translate a lot of Japanese before trying to do it myself.

Tonight I was in a ramen joint and the waitress asked me a question I wasn’t ready for… I had no idea what she was talking about. So I asked her to wait a moment and got Google assistant to translate for me.

I then studied the phrase she had said and apart from one word (‘add’) it was pretty clear, although she did use some deferent language (maybe because she was a 20-something woman and I’m a 49-year-old guy – I know these things matter in Japanese), and maybe she had a local accent that threw me.

(Incidentally, the phrase was “Is it okay if I add garlic to your ramen?” which is interesting because this was my third trip to this particular place and they never asked before, they just added it!)

Anyway… I realised I’m not lazy. Once I saw the phrase in front of me, I studied it in detail. I learnt from it. I put the work in.

No, I’m not lazy. Perhaps, just perhaps, given that I’ve just got divorced, moved house and come out, perhaps I’m actually exhausted?

That actually feels more like it.

I’m thoroughly enjoying my trip, but I am, for sure, finding it hard work tuning into the language this time. (Though day-by-day my ear is getting more accustomed).

But yes… the inner critic. “Lazy” is a name the inner critic uses. Name-calling is a classic inner-critic attack.

I’m slightly disappointed it took me about eighteen hours to identify the attack this time. But at least I did identify it, and can now work from there.

This CPTSD recovery really does take a long time. But I am patient.


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