George Carter
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Goodbye Piercings Part II (And Hello “I”)

| Wednesday 8th May, 2024

It’s now quarter to eight in the evening. The evening of the same day that I wrote Goodbye Piercings, and the remaining piercings have now gone.

I feel more whole now than I have ever felt. And something struck me about why I might have had the piercings…

Let’s go back a little…

Due to my childhood trauma I had a lot of trauma splitting – that’s where separate characters split off from your personality during traumatic episodes. I used to have a whole cast of characters inside me, taking dominance at certain times, sometimes communicating with each other, almost always causing confusion in me as to who I was and what I really wanted in life.

Some examples include Anzan the monk, serene and disciplined, Beorn the village elder, strong and persuasive, Owen the big Welsh guy who bulldozed his way to whatever he wanted, Wilbur Right who had to be right about everything – mistakes were not an option, Handsome Jack who always wanted to be immaculately dressed, Wretched Jim who lay in the gutter covered in detritus, Pete The Pervert whose sexual curiosity led to some very interesting places, the list goes on and on…

Over the last eight years or so, since learning that not everyone else has this cast of characters (in fact, very few do), I’ve been integrating them into a whole, working on the shadows, dusting out the cobwebs, really exposing and meeting each of the characters and recognising their very real benefits and flaws in my own psyche.

I thought this work was done, but my therapist has been picking me up lately on the fact that I say “we” a lot.

I retorted that “we” is me and ‘little George’, the inner child who I work with a lot.

But over the last couple of weeks, I’ve come to realise that ‘we’ isn’t me and little George…

It’s me and mum. Yes, that same critical, abusive mum that I cut off more than two years ago. “We” were still making joint decisions. The internalised parent was so strong.

And so I started working on “I”.

Not “we have a long way to go” but “I have a long way to go”.

“What shall we eat today?” became “What do I want to eat today?”

And, to bring us back to the original subject, it’s only since removing the piercings do I realise that I think I had them to separate the “me” from the “us” that was ever-present in my psyche. They were the only way I knew to find some “me” in there.

But now I’ve found “me”, I actually don’t need the piercings to be me.

And so they can go.

The inconvenience was worth it when they were a necessary part of my self-actualisation. But now that has taken its next step forward, the piercings are kinda just a pain in the ass. (Or ear).

I sleep on my side and my ear piercings have always jeopardised the peace and comfort I’ve been able to experience.

The septum piercing was a pain whenever I needed to wipe my nose. Or when a lump of hardened mucus got caught up behind the retainer and I’d have to first take it out, then dig around with a tissue before replacing it. Faff.

And the PA? So super comfortable since I went for a five-millimetre gauge. But I still peed on my leg one too many times (normally it was fine, but if things just got in a certain configuration, the pee would kinda follow the line of the ring and go in unpredictable directions).

So… I’m not going to deny the inconvenience of piercings any more. I was in denial before because the purpose of having the piercings was more important and more valuable than the inconvenience. But not any more.

And don’t think for one minute that I regret having them. I am super stoked that I dared to get pierced, that I picked some great piercings to have and I’m pleased that I was disciplined and smart enough to heal them well.

It’s simply a case that their time has passed.

(And as I say that, I eye my tattoo… has it’s time passed? That’s a much more difficult thing to erase… but actually, no… I love my tattoo as a commemoration of my journey, especially of the point I was at when I had it done, and as a constant reminder of my ability to evolve and metamorphosise…)

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