George Carter
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It’s Okay To Be Me

| Tuesday 23rd January, 2024

As a sufferer of CPTSD, and a victim of emotional abuse in childhood, one of the hardest things for me to accept, still, is:

It’s okay to be me.

I think if you’ve never experienced trauma, it’s probably pretty hard to understand.

And if you have experienced trauma, it’s probably resonating somewhat with you.

Even if I get it cognitively, my emotions and physical body still reel at the idea of accepting myself exactly as I am.

I still carry “not good enough”, “do more”, “imperfect”, “don’t express yourself”, “emotions are for losers”.

But slowly, slowly I get to an acceptance. Occasionally I get a deep, grounded feeling that just maybe it’s okay to be me.

That inner critic is an asshole. The amount of judgement I place on myself for the slightest infractions, or what I perceive as flaws or weaknesses – my sexuality, my kinks, my fears, my shortcomings, those dark corners of my soul that I’d rather not visit (but when I do, I realise there was never anything to be afraid of).

Slowly, slowly, I begin to become aware of that voice… perhaps even ignore that voice… to realise that it isn’t speaking the truth… to realise that just maybe:

It’s okay to be me.

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