George Carter
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More Musings on Social Media

| Wednesday 21st February, 2024

So, after talking about giving up social media, I have once again registered an account or two.

Firstly, it’s really hard to keep up with the local acoustic music scene without Facebook. After missing out on a couple of sessions that had moved date, I thought it would be worth signing up again.

But there’s something bigger than that, something CPTSD-related that has come to my attention – and it has affected me throughout my life whenever I’ve tried to post authentically on social media, on blogs, or simply express myself through art or music.

When you have CPTSD, any expression of authenticity or vulnerability comes with a free side-order of toxic shame and guilt.

Who knew?

As I think back I can recall those feelings of dread and doom that would appear after I’d expressed myself particularly authentically online. They would be overwhelming. Not knowing how to breathe through them, and not knowing that those feelings weren’t mine and never were, I would either delete my post or delete the entire account or site, depending how strong the flashback was.

As I grow in awareness of all the little foibles of CPTSD and the ‘inner critic’ I begin to notice when feelings aren’t mine – when feelings, thoughts, beliefs, values were programmed into me by my frankly shameful caregivers. And I can begin to breathe through them, integrate them and choose the journey to wholeness… no longer seeking flawless perfectionism, no longer thinking I’ll get in trouble for expressing individuality…

It is an experiment. I still believe social media is, on balance, harmful to humanity. But I’m also willing to not cut my own nose off and hide and be silent… we will see. The exploration continues…

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