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I find it so annoying when I am unable to commit.
I talked about re-committing to Veganism just a few days ago. But I find myself slipping once again.
What I have to remember is that while I am, indeed, being hypocritical to continue consuming animal products while at the same time saying I love animals, and that I think factory farming is an outrage, there are other factors at play.
I am currently recovering from CPTSD, divorcing my wife, selling my house, coming out, changing my name, quitting alcohol and running my own business. That’s actually a lot to have on my plate. And so what goes on my plate is, indeed, driven by convenience at times. I allow it to be driven by habit because habit takes less mental and emotional energy.
I have to rest somewhere, and that’s where I am currently allowing myself to rest.
I realise that for every day I am not vegan, animals are tortured and killed in my name. And I think that it a huge pity. I wish it were not like that, but right now I do not have the capacity to put that on my priority list.
It may be different—strike that, I’m sure it would be different—if I was surrounded by vegans. It would be easy within that kind of environment where veganism is normalised.
But where I am right now, carnism is the dominant ideal.
And so I know that I will be fully vegan at some point in the near future and I am really looking forward to that time when my actions and values will be married. My plate needs clearing of many other things first, though.
The definition of ‘vegan’ contains the clause “where possible and practicable” and right now it just doesn’t feel practicable.
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