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Having been hung out of a window by surprise by my primary caregiver in my toddlerhood I naturally have trust issues
My trust has been growing slowly, of other people and of myself
I was talking with my growth buddy the other day about the fact I’m planning to trust someone to belay me on a roped climbing wall. Pardon my French but this is a fucking massive step
I explained that there were only three people at the wall that I would trust to be on the other end of that tope.
My growth buddy pointed out… “Wow, you really do trust yourself don’t you?”
“How so?”, I asked.
“You trust yourself to pick people.”
And he’s right!
Twice now my piercer has referred me to someone else at the studio. On the day. I’ve shown up for my piercing and he’s said “Breo will do this one, he’s better than me at septum piercing”. Or “Gemma will lead this one. Don’t worry, I’ve taught her well!”
And I’ve trusted him on both of those occasions.
Yes, I’m good at picking people I can trust, and whose recommendations I can trust.
But most of all I was thinking of getting a tattoo on my left forearm, simply reading “trust yourself”. A little reminder when self-doubt and insecurity creep in.
But then I realised something…
I don’t need a tattoo. I trust myself to trust myself.
That is probably the greatest gift I’ve ever given myself and represents a huge step on the path to CPTSD recovery.
Tags: Climbing, CPTSD, Piercing, Tattoo
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